Archives for December 2013


I love oatmeal. I have it for breakfast easily 4 times a week. But I like the plain, rolled-oats that I can just add some milk and stick in the microwave for a few minutes. For work, however, Mom likes those individually-sized packets of oatmeal that come pre-loaded with sugars, flavors, and all manner of unknown powders to make it taste like… well, I’m not exactly sure.

But you guys saw those packages and asked if I liked them.
I said no, and you asked why not.
I said that they give me gas. I did not think much of it at the time.
The next morning, Anna, you made a big deal that you wanted the oatmeal packet for breakfast. But when I put it in front of you, you protested wildly:

“NOOOO, Umi, I don’t want that oatmeal… I want YOU to eat it so you fart all day.”


OK, so we all sneeze. From the tiniest of infants to the oldest bag of bones, from the smallest little gerbil to the biggest elephant, we all do it. But there’s just something very peculiar about a young child, one who has yet to fully master the art of blowing one’s nose, when they have a cold and sneeze.

I’m not trying to be gross here, but the very notion that some cute little cherub, could, with but a moments notice, have a completely uncontrollable diaphragmatic spasm and be instantaneously and utterly covered in snot is a bit of an oddity in the world of nature. I mean, with no warning whatsoever, that young, angelic looking face turns suddenly to something out of Ghost Busters. Good lord, where does all of that COME from?

OK, I’m done. Really. I apologize for the imagery. Now would somebody please fetch me a mop?