Archives for September 2009


For some reasons, youngsters often have a fascination with “favorites.” – Favorite shirt, favorite ice-cream, favorite place, song, friend, etc.  And I can recall my brother and I asking our parents who was their favorite between us.  Mom, of course, answered that we were “both” her favorites.  While technically the right answer, I remember never really being satisfied with that answer.

Well, as a new parent myself, with twins, I have a very different perspective on what it is to have a favorite child.  Lucas, without question, you are my favorite little boy.  Anna, without question, you are my favorite little girl.  The truth is that whichever one of you I happen to be holding at the moment, you are my favorite.  I can put you down for your sibling, and then your sibling is my favorite.  Perhaps it sounds like mere semantic games, but there is a very real aspect in which simply by holding one of you in my arms, you become the most important person in my world.  My complete and undivided attention is on your care and well being.

But I still think that the best of all worlds is when I sit on the futon, with each one of you on either side, leaning up against my thighs.  This way, you see, neither one of you can actually see the other, and both of you are left with the sense that you have my complete attention, which you do.  Because for some very odd reason, splitting my time between the two of you does not result in a zero-sum game, where time with one of you takes away from time with the other.  Instead, there is some magical property in which time with either one of you only increases the love and affection that I have to share with the other.  It’s all additive.

Toothless Smiles

You are literally growing up before my eyes.  At this point, you both have the most wonderful smiles in the world!  Great big toothless smiles that seem to take up the better part of your face.  Plus, you are starting to make more of those gentle cooing noises.  We are able to carry on conversations of sort at this point.  I’ll ask you something, or tell you something, and you will respond with your little noises.  Lucas, you seem to be exploring much more with your tongue by sticking it out, while Anna, you have much more vocal range and volume that you play with.

Tonight, Mamma and I watched a movie on DVD while sitting on the futon that we placed in the nursery.  We watched from my laptop, with each one of you lying down on either side of me, and Anna between Momma and I.  That way we could easily tend to your needs, hold you or stroke your head as you began to fuss.  For most of the movie, you both seemed to stay awake, making various noises and squirming about.  And to just look down at the two of you on either side of me is to know the deepest sense of love imaginable for you, my two children.

Even now, I still find myself absolutely amazed at the sheer magnitude of the gift that you two are in our lives.  I realize that your care and well-being is in our hands.  While we will not be able to shield you from all the hazards and ills of the world, you can bet that we are going to try to the best of our abilities to do so.  I also find myself looking at you, and wondering what kind of young man or woman you are going to grow up to be?  I wonder so very many things about your future, and yet I am absolutely in the present moment with both of you, enjoying your very existence.

Missing You

My dear children, I miss you.  You see, when I wake up in the morning, I get to feed you once, and perhaps a second time on either side of when I have to get ready for work.  I head into work and I am very tired because you got me up so early.  When I come home, I am tired and hungry, and you two are often asleep.  So the net result is that between work and fatigue, I so seldom get to really PLAY with you… to hold you joyfully, watch you in tummy-time, and see you grow.

You see, unlike what people refer to as “watching the grass grow,” you two really are changing quite a bit over any few days.  And while I am at work, I would so prefer to be at home with you two.  It helps that I have a picture of you that I keep as my wallpaper on my PC at work.  In fact, the two of you seem to be staring at me during the day, lovingly looking at me, wondering what on earth I could possibly be doing.  I literally want to pet the thin hair on your heads by reaching above the tops of my monitor.

Just last night, I saw you cry tears for the first time.  Oh, you have both been crying plenty over the past two months, but this was the first time I saw tears come from your eyes.  I can only imagine that the level of emotion in your tiny little bodies is just so great, that your face can no longer hold them in.  Sure, it’s all just biology, but oh, how it melted my heart to see you like that, my dear children.

You are also getting to where you can hold your heads almost fully upright when on your belly, and to hold it for longer periods of time.  You both still struggle with crawling.  It seems that you know it has something to do with moving your feet, but have yet to learn to put your knees underneath your belly just yet.  We have a square mat that is maybe two-feet square, and we will put you both at one end and have you race to the other side.  Well, it’s not really a “race,” per se, since it takes you more than 10 minutes to get across the mat, but you are still so fun to watch.